By Leah
inspired by Mark Rober
"I have Autism, but it's not who I am."
The biggest, but most common, thing someone with Autism can say because it's true, it's not who we are.
My name is "L". I grew up with high functioning Autism 1 and my brother grew up with Autism 1+. Although we're different from other people, we find it easy to thrive at times when others don't. We have no filters in our brains, so while you may only hear or see one thing, we're taking pictures of millions of things from our eyes and ears. We can feel, hear, see, and smell things differently than others because we're wired different. Some people think of Autism as a disease, but I see it as a way of thinking.
People with autism can also have other "ways of thinking". Both me and my brother have ADHD and Sensory Processing. Our senses are intensified, so along with no filter, we talk a lot, we talk fast, and we can feel differently. We, well I, find it hard to stop talking, as I am a very social person. I dream high and walk low, but can act like any other teen when I'm overwhelmed, but when I get home, my walls break down and I cry. Although at times, words may not seem to hurt me, in reality I'm barely holding back tears and resisting the painful lump in my throat. I find it hard to breathe but I try to stand tall in the public.
When I was younger, I couldn't talk. My parents took me to the doctors and I was diagnosed with Autism, or back then, retardedness. I found it hard to stay still or to focus on anything, and I visited the doctor again where I was diagnosed with ADHD. Then another trip diagnosed me with Sensory Processing. I couldn't talk until I was four, and I couldn't speak full sentences till I was 5. Although I couldn't speak, my older sister could understand me. I'd babble and my sister would tell my parents that I'm hungry, thirsty, or tired, etc. When I finally turned four, I went to daycare. I found it hard to keep up with my classmates and was sent to be diagnosed by the school for an IEP where I was diagnosed with emotional disruption. My mother has tried to get me diagnosed again but each time they canceled and rescheduled. I've been held back a grade in my work ever since until 6th grade. This all started because of my ways of thinking.
Like in one song I love, by my favorite singer Thomas Sanders, called Recipe for Me, it says "Some are lost, some are searchers" and it's similar to what I feel at times. I feel lost at times and even trapped because I find it hard to talk to others and express myself. I can't find words to describe what I go through when talking or venting to others because it's my way of thinking. I find it hard to relate to others at times and many can't understand that, many people think that I'm weird, annoying, sick in the head, and anti-vaxxers think that vaccines gave me Autism. The point is that I don't care what people say about me at times, but when I'm insulted in a way that makes me feel lesser and less intelligent than others...that's the greatest insult that could be made to me.
Although I feel trapped I also feel strong. Contrary to popular belief, we don't have some sort of super power. We're all human like people who don't have Autism, but some of us have abilities that some don't. Mark Robers son, who has Autism, can pinpoint what day a date falls on. So if I told him I was born February 4th, 2006, he'd know that I was born on a Saturday. My brother is great with Science and technology. When something is wrong with a device, we ask him what to do to fix it, when he's watching something complex that's related to science, he can understand it. I have the power of my voice and words, I find it easy to understand complex words and to get others to listen to me. When singing, my voice is usually the loudest voice in the room, when speaking, I'm the steadiest in the room.
Autism affects a lot of things. It can affect your thinking, your speech, your ability to filter out words, and so on. We aren't built by Autism like any other person, we just have Autism. As Mark described it "They are giants amongst us mortals'' which is true in some cases. We are different but the same. We may look or act differently than you might, but it's how we show our normal, and that needs to be accepted. We are like you, you are like us.
Inspiration: https://youtu.be/ybPgmjTRvMo
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